Politics of work and self worth

I once told a colleague that I tolerated her.   At the time it was an off cuff joke but as she turned away to hide the tears in her eyes, it struck me that I should be a tad more careful about how much of my true feelings I should actually reveal. 

It wasn't that she was intolerable.  It was the sheer fact that she was so constantly fucking delightful and optimistic that dealing with the realities of what needed to be done always seemed to come second. 

Thats the trouble with office politics.   Playing pretend,  being nice to superiors and only poking your head up when it is to your own advantage. It had slowly drained me of whatever actual personality I had in my early 20s. 

Consequently being made redundant for the second time in two years was probably the best thing that could have happened to me.  I felt it the instant after the decision was made,  the cold shoulder from managing directors,  the awkward glances sideways right up until the call into the boardroom.     

Being dumped by an employer in such a way is like leaving a bad relationship you didn't actually know was bad.  I was for certain It couldn't be about performance as I had just helped to set-up and develop a new department adding an additional nine figure sum to the work pipeline.   It was personal. 

Work politics. 

After a few tears I was relieved.    After all,  why should I continue to give up my time for someone who couldn't see my personal worth?  

See self worth and honesty are important.  

At times I have been overly honest with others,  but not so often with myself. 

Did that job bring me satisfaction? no,  it brought be a good pay check.  

Did I believe I was paid what I was owed or worth?  never.  

What would it have taken?  probably just some acknowledgement and a mature conversation. 

Let’s face it,  no one that truly succeeds in business does well by playing fair.  

I remember the one time I signed on to a musical tour of china. 

Mostly chorus role with a bit role that sat outside what i would usually do.  All was going well until I pressured them on pay.  

You see they were offering nothing.  

Zero. 

Zilch.  

For a MONTH of work,  not including preparation and having to learn the music or rehearsals.  

Nothing.  

The mind boggles!

It wasn't for charity and no,  I wasn't desperate for the exposure and experience they were promising me.  

Did I go on the tour?   Yes.   Did I end up getting paid?  Yes. 

I had to stand firm and make my demands clear.   Well,  to be perfectly honest it began with bargaining.  I had bills to pay,  rent,  food,  debts.  How could I take a whole month off for a “working holiday”  and make sure I had a home to come back to? 

Their response,  “others are doing it for the experience”  This of course didn't fly.    I left the conversation saying yes,  I was interested but to send me a contract. 

It wasn't until a few weeks before departure I had a flurry of calls asking me why i hadn't signed their contract. 

The answer was simple,  the contract had not agreed to my terms.   After howling at me about already booking my accommodation and flights and that I had given my commitment to the tour,  they capitulated and returned a contract with what I had originally asked for which was promptly signed.  

Someone else's worth does not define you own.   But don't let yourself be ripped off. 

You may ask,  why was it so difficult to just do what everyone else was doing?  

The problem was having been heavily involved in musical societies across my local city,  I was friends with at least five or six members of the troupe of 40 being sent to China.  It wasn't too difficultly a question to ask how much they were offered for the tour and when I discovered that as an orchestra member they were being paid exactly what I had requested and had initially been denied I was furious.   

I was even more furious at the realisation that ALL the instrumentalists had been offered renumeration and that NONE of the singers ensemble had.   Surely the singers were more desperate for the experience that they would do it for free?  Some stupidly had agreed.   Not this little fat duck though!  

The problem thereafter came during the tour.    I quickly realised why I was excluded from any solos during the gala concerts (which were added after the contracts were signed)  and received a bit of a cold shoulder from the production team.   In hindsight my attitude probably paid a part,   I mean how excited was I being paid around $80 a gig after enduring endless travel.   

After that trip,  I realised being a classical singer wasn't worth it and ended back in the corporate world.  Little did I realise standing up for yourself would receive the same reaction.  

I know how that worked out…… just with more money.

So now here I am. Wondering. Writing this as my redundancy cheque runs out, what next?